Yes something I used to say to myself often when I would create. I could here that voice that bloody voice that just doesn’t shut the fuck up. That very loud negative voice saying a thousand and one things that would take me away from the task itself and it would actually immobilise me to the point I would just have to stop. And stop I did.. for months.
Though I have to say that not so very tiny negative voice was such a blessing. It took me into a place within me I didn’t want to look at and to love that part of myself and that loud negative voice fell away when I acknowledged it was there and gave it a voice through my creations. I allowed it to just be and express what it needed to say. I actually became frightened of creating art because art was meant to be fun right not be hammered by ‘you’re not doing it right’ or ‘it looks like shit’ but it grounded not only me but my art. I created the dark heavier feelings and something beautiful was created and my creative self took off like never before.
I haven’t experienced this for many years now but I felt to share this as I found pieces of art where it took me back to this place in time. Nowadays I honour those heavier darker sides of me and use the energy to create. I now make the time to create when I’m feeling like this because not only is it such a release but surrendering to my creative space when I’m feeling overwhelmed is so very healing and I can feel and hear why and where these feelings have arose.
Now I say thank fuck.. thank fuck for art, for self awareness, for heavier feelings which lead to wholeness, self understanding and to my authenticity.