There are times where I manage pain of losing a baby. Today is one of those days. It’s a pain you carry and manage like most deep pains you know there are days that you may not feel it or not as much as you usually do and there are days where you have to just breathe through each hour and carry on as usual.
I was discussing for much of the day about feeling emotions with a friend of mine. I’ve always found it fascinating observing how each person manages their inner world because we have all been conditioned to avoid, distract and ignore how we really feel so we are easier to manage, easier to control and be told how to live and be by someone else who cannot accept their humanity and is uncomfortable with being out of control.
This is where art has saved me more than once. To be able to express how I truly feel in a safe place without judgement and to be honest sometimes I don’t want to share how I really feel with people. There are times where I’m not ready to but still need to express how I feel.
There is something about giving yourself permission to get messy with paint all over your hands and shirt. I think a big part of it is getting messy and slowly very slowly something beautiful forms from the mess. I think knowing we can create something beautiful from something painful reminds us pain doesn’t last forever. It’s not only a release, its empowering the pain, sounds strange but we can’t avoid feeling pain but we can give it a voice and through the process we grow through it and receive wisdom from the darker stories of our life.