I’ve been bullied online from what I thought was a friend of mine. Needless to say I am shocked, hurt and angry and I woke up this morning with a feeling I’m not taking this shit anymore. Usually I just leave it and move on because I know the truth but no more. What you see below is me explaining the truth from a blog post this person has written and shared around on social media. I have cut and paste what she wrote and under each lie I have explained the truth of what actually happened. I have nothing to hide and nor am I going to feel ashamed because this person chooses to not deal with her inner shit.
This is me defending myself and saying NO to online bullying. My responses to what she wrote is in bold ink. I’ve placed an asterisk next to what she wrote.
- I am angry – At someone I considered a friend who treated me appallingly when: I told her I was not coping and teetering on the edge and she didn’t reply.
I have always replied to everyone including strangers that are hurting and the people that know me and work with know this. I could never ignore anyone in pain unfortunately, though a good thing, it can also be a downfall also. I’m unsure of what she is talking about here in all honesty.
- For ordering things from me twice and never paying, despite repeated requests. If she had said she couldn’t afford it I would NOT have cared, but no reply, nothing, zip, nada, just change the subject, for making me feel ashamed for even asking.
This person constantly asked me to share her business pages, for advice and constantly asking me to boost two of businesses for her. I gave her a book in exchange for two packets of incense, yes incense sticks is what she’s referring to and yes I did answer her messages I always do. I don’t ignore my friends.
- For abusing me when I didn’t see her messages when I did something awesome one day and she shared it and I didn’t respond as she expected me to. For abusing me for being online but not seeing her. For deleting her shares and not allowing me to see the lovely feedback. I wasn’t online.
She was online for most of the day and I messaged her after again sharing her work for her. Our friendship was on the edge because of this and I did speak to her a week before this that we need to end our friendship and here’s my actual messages explaining to her what I said and why I responded when she was online all day. I was still feeling unsure and vulnerable about our connection. I pulled down the post because I was angry and hurt.
First messages explaining that I need to walk away from the friendship.The first was her asking me if she upset me. I was moving through a lot in my life at the time and wasn’t communicating to anyone. I pull in when I’m feeling a lot. The second one explains in more depth how I was feeling. Here’s the messages and you’ll see that I wasn’t abusive. The third message is what I wrote to her when she ignored my messages.
1/ Nah you haven’t. We’re just chaining on different wavelengths and I’m needing real and deep connections. I do a lot. I’m a sole mum homeschooling and running a business and times when Nik isn’t well I need real friends and connections as I’m needing soulful support. I don’t have family or any extra energy to burn on anything else as it starts and ends with me.’
2/ ‘Look darlin really simply, I stepped back because like I explained before we’re just in different places and I’m stepping back not because I don’t care but because I do. If I’m not true to myself and keep a connection going when we’re in different places in our life I will end up telling you to get fucked and I don’t want to do that. I can’t keep conversing with someone I don’t have a connection with.
I’m a deep person and I need the people to match me in a similar place and I know you are constantly distracting yourself from needs to be dealt with inside you so you have a 100 things going constantly, striving to do more, to make more.. I’m just not like that. I want to get to know the person be present enough to get to know me I don’t give a fuck about anything else.
When we connect money is always involved whether that’s you making money, you wearing to share your page or you striving to make more. I just don’t care about money I care about the person and what actually matters in life. I almost want to slap you back down to earth. You have nothing to apologise for at all, nothing. And you’re loved.’
3/ ‘Love if you’re not going to answer my messages I’m not going to try with this. What I was trying to get across before is friendships require presence. Shows you were active 6 minutes ago. I messaged you the other day and you didn’t answer either please be considerate.’
- For inviting me to stay in one of the most beautiful places in the world and not showing me one inch of it, for making me feel incredibly unwelcome and uncomfortable, for not allowing me to express my humanity without feeling judged. For not allowing me to speak my truth. For using me to do something and not honouring the exchange we agreed upon.
I did invite her and drove for 8 hours all up to pick her up. I was excited to hang out with her. I was also feeling low. I lost a baby a few years back and at times this pain is triggered. I explained to her how I was feeling and it was clear how I was feeling.
What I was upset about between was discussed no abuse, I was feeling a lot and I cooked her a meal that evening and she knew what I was cooking when I served it to her she told me she can’t eat it, she didn’t like it.
I was hurt and a little shocked from her rudeness. What seemed like something small is a lot when you’re feeling too much pain.
She was heard and she binned the meal when I was outside in tears. This small act pushed up more feelings of pain. I felt uncomfortable having her in my home there after it was clear she had an expectation of how she should be treated but the visit continued and I thought we enjoyed each other’s company.
The exchange we spoke of. We had only two days together and it was meant to be three as she found out she needed to see her son on the third day and we discussed that she will come back in March/April and I will teach her to paint. She also broke contract with a business she was intimately working for and shared intimate details about her closest friends which made me question the friendship altogether again. When I dropped her off I made the decision within myself I’ll keep her as an online friend and that’s it as I felt I couldn’t trust her.
Needless to say I didn’t expect this kind of behaviour after I opened my home to her.
- When I reflect back I wonder why the hell I put up with all of this over the past year, I have no idea, but I did. The last time I saw her I knew I never would again as I realised that it just wasn’t meant to be. I quietly unfriended, unfollowed and let it go.
Actually when I reflect back I should have walked but thats ok shit happens. She did quietly unfriend me and I was totally ok with that but she didn’t let anything go but took a bullying stance instead of a mature one and actually dealing with her feelings.
I needed to do this for me and my daughter. My daughter read what she wrote and was really hurt and so angry not understanding where she’s coming from.
Please people it is essential to deal with your inner shit. This kind of dumping and running is not fucking ok.
Good people get hurt and more than one and it turns out to be really messy.
This stuff is not ok.