Rewilding – to restore to it’s natural uncultivated state. Let’s take that sentence right into ourselves and sit with that like forever and let it become who we naturally are.
Mercury retrograde has this thing where it likes to bend you over when you’re not looking and do things to you to wake you the fuck up in ways that are never comfortable, and hey I’m so used to being stripped back to fuck all I’ve grown to love it and wouldn’t have it any other way because the liberation that is experienced and what I become I honestly wouldn’t want to have it any other way.
The word rewilding was repeated in my dream last night over and over again. The word was said many times and was written and shoved in my face so I think I need to pay attention to it and I have been over the last few weeks but clearly it’s really trying to get my attention now. I’ve been really thinking about my art practice and what I put out into the world through my social media pages and really asking myself, am I being raw as fuck as I would like to be on my art pages and if not why not?
I don’t think I am, not intentionally. It’s a feeling you know, it’s a feeling that I’m exploring and a feeling I have not yet expressed through my art yet. All I can say there’s a fear and I’m just sitting with it, looking at it and letting it get comfortable with me and I with it before I pull it apart gently and see what’s beneath it.
I created this page for my mediumship readings on Facebook – Blunt as Fuck Tarot Readings and that’s changed everything for me. Finally I’ve allowed myself to be myself through my work after having so much expectation thrown on me to be a certain way which I am not and never fucking will be, its given me space to really look at things and to pull myself onto the dirt and see am I being this way in everything that I do publicly?
This is the reason why I haven’t posted too much on my pages as yet, I’m feeling my way into something that has to be all me. We all put on face for many different reasons, some purposely and others not but I cannot have anything less than what’s all of me so when I find what that is or feel into what the fuck is holding me back and why I’ll share it here or on my pages or all of them I don’t know but it will be shared.
Who knew that on the last day I would feel emotional.Emotional because it’s been healing, empowering and scary but also deeply freeing. It’s given me insight and clarity to pick up my practice to work with people again but not like I did in the past it’ll be different. The greatest gift it’s given me is to open and be vulnerable again. It’s changed the way I communicate with others to not be afraid to share more than I have in the past. Who knew 10 days would make such a beautiful shift. I’m so grateful.
Grateful to those who took the time to read my posts. Over 2000 hits in ten days. To those who took the time to read my posts thank you. It wasn’t easy I have to say but I will be bringing this forward some how in some way and challenge myself that little more to remain open and keep sharing. I feel emotional and can’t find the words to describe what I’m feeling but it’s good feelings of a heart thats opened a little wider.
To every highly sensitive soul, I know it’s challenging to open in a world that is so harsh but the Earth needs you. Your visionary skills, uniqueness, sensitivity, empathy and compassion, understanding, creativity and wisdom is what the world needs more of. We need to support each other and bring beauty into the world again. The Earth needs you, I need you and the millions of others that need that little bit of encouragement and empowerment to be their shining self.
Just like Sam the world needs your gentleness and light.
Can I end this by asking each one of you to take the time to send some loving thoughts to my beautiful friend Jen who lost her baby boy almost a year ago, our dearest Sam who’s courage and gentleness will always live on.
I want to share something that bothers me a lot and to be honest has held me back from connecting because I want more mess, I want real. When you have experienced the depths of your own personal darkness with awareness it pulls back layers of how you didn’t see the world with clearer eyes before the journey. I can also understand why so many people will do anything to avoid being honest with themselves because its painful and really who wants to feel pain? Though the thing is if we don’t learn to accept and embrace the messy painful parts of who we are we aren’t actually living a full life we are only just surviving. That avoidance will lead to more chaos, more hardships, dependance and in some cases sickness too lets just be honest here.
Feeling pain, fear, sadness, grief you know all the shitty feelings that comes with being human is necessary to accept because whether you want to acknowledge these feelings or not you are still going to be uncomfortable and in pain it will just take another destructive form and pull you away from reality.
The so called spiritual circles out there (yes the ones I have been a part of) I have to say I can’t stand being around and no I’m not a part it any longer haven’t been for a very long while. The word namaste gives me the shits. I can’t stand the falseness anymore. Why? because I’ve seen so many people mask there pain behind different beliefs, I’ve seen manipulation to the extreme, I’ve seen good people in their vulnerability seek assistance only to be hurt more and I see too much of people not wanting to love, accept and embrace their humanity. I understand we all grow and evolve at our own pace but if you choose to hang onto certain beliefs to not only hurt you but others along the way to uphold an image thats fucked friend.
I understand its pain and fear I truly understand and have compassion for that but this avoidance of being real has just gone too far. It has. The Earth needs you to be your awesome messy self. Don’t feel bad about showing all of who you are because theres people like myself who want to see that beautiful mess that we’ve all been conditioned to hide. Man I am craving to see more. Humanity is a beautiful thing and it comes with two sides one light and one dark and its the dark where we find ourselves so imagine creating a world where we feel safe to share our pain and be empowered to explore that pain with genuine care and understanding. That would be cool. Imagine creating a world like that and leaving it for our children and grandchildren…
With a deep breath I’ve sat down to share something straight from the heart. Raw and unedited. These 10 days are dedicated to a very special person who took his own life at a very young age. Highly sensitive, deep, wise, empathic, caring, understanding beyond his years and so very intuitive…..just an amazing young person with a very old soul who saw through the superficiality, was let down by so many and deeply wanted to connect on a soul level on that real and raw place where we want to meet so many on…
He will never be forgotten. I felt and saw who he was the first day I met him, everything I just described and more. He had a soul connection with my daughter. I saw the similarities between them both just so beautiful and pure. I cherish purity in every living being. I naturally want to nurture, support and empower that beautiful balance of light and dark, the essence of humanity. Where has it gone?
I don’t believe its gone anywhere. I believe a blanket of powerful emotions is trying to protect that purity, protecting it from being hurt….. and people like Sam, my daughter, myself and so many others I can name walk through this existence with our heart on our sleeves in hope we can contribute to this world, be seen, be heard and hopefully make connection by keeping our hearts open and raw even though that would mean being hurt over and over again but we try and keep trying and hope..we hang onto that hope that those that have forgotten will remember the truth of who they are..
When people leave who touch your heart they are never forgotten. I see Sam in the openness and beauty in people that have the courage to be real, I see him when the sun comes up and in the vulnerability of a flower blooming. I see him in the waves of the ocean and the purity in my daughters laugh … and laugh often with my girl when she says ‘Sam would think thats funny’…
Those like Sam I have so much respect for. It hurts to be real nowadays and sometimes so fucking painful but they keep being who they are because it hurts more to not be real and because they believe in the goodness of people even though they have been hurt so many times. Sensitivity is a gift. It’s not to be looked down upon from those who like to manipulate and control and make those feel bad with ‘don’t be so sensitive’ statements and I say to those people open your fucking heart and feel. Don’t be an arsehole and crush someones spirit because you don’t see what they do.
Don’t let statements like that make you feel bad because you are the change we have all been waiting for. You are the real and raw this world needs. You are a gift of purity and this world needs you more than ever. Don’t question yourself and believe in who you are no matter how different your views are thats what we need. We need people to see outside the fearful box and create something new and beautiful because what we have so far is not working.
To our dearest Sam we celebrate you every day. Not one day goes by without celebrating who you are and will continue to do so. Your wise soulful spirit sings a song of a thousand lifetimes and that song will never leave us. We love you. xoxo
Today I chose to slow everything down and just breathe and listen to myself to say yesterday was emotional is an understatement but I want to begin by saying this: one comment was made where this person felt they needed to ‘redirect’ what I expressed and I just want to say this, fuck off. Seriously this space is for me to share my inner world it is my OWN expression of how I feel in the moment. I’m not asking for opinions, to be fixed or ‘redirected’ to something thats more comfortable for anyone. Let me share with you why I chose to do this 10 day expression… it’s an act of self love because I want to empower the child within me to have a voice and feel she doesn’t have to hide how she feels everyday that it’s ok to be vulnerable and real in a world that is doing everything to destroy what’s real and true.
The child within me is feeling raw, vulnerable and still fearful to put herself out there like this. She hasn’t had it easy and I’m aware of what needs to be strengthened within me and this is just one thing that needs attention, expression and love. The mother in me is a fierce protector so anyones opinions can fuck right off because I’m here to be present for myself not to be fixed or to please anyone. No ones opinions belong in my inner or outer world period.
I love my humanity as messy and as imperfect as it is. It’s beautiful to be human. You don’t need to understand me that jobs for me and me only.
This space is like a blank canvas for me which I have never done online before. I’m not finding this easy but I wanted to empower, heal and stretch beyond where I am in my journey.
It’s day five and I’ve made some interesting observations about myself which I will share towards the end of the 10 days and what I’ve also noticed people crave real. They want raw open hearted emotion and theres not too many people out there that are brave enough to do it and let me say after 5 days of sharing it’s a challenge but it’s also damn freeing. It’s given me so much to reflect on which I will share in the near future.
It’s empowering to allow another to express how they feel. (as long as they’re not hurting any being) Let them empty themselves, let them be as they are because most of the time it just needs to be expressed because energy does need to be released. It can’t stay stagnant or the emotion builds into anger and grief. We all need an outlet to release what we feel every day just to empty ourselves…. so we can BE.