Permaculture and More Change

Mercury fucking retrograde can piss off now thanks and apparently it will this Wednesday. Christ almighty I’ve had enough of it. I’ve created about two pieces of art since it begun, my head’s mushy, I’m behind in my study, and I’m tired as fuck of feeling. Anyone else tired of feeling so much?

These last few weeks have felt like months, seriously months but besides all the whinging I did get a heap of stuff done, other stuff besides art that will clear the way for more art and more greenery. I’m obsessed with permaculture and anything green and that’s where my heart seems to be calling me the most nowadays besides art.

The sadness of seeing our earth in such a critical state because of us, people not humans, hurts. I’m finding this sadness has deepened to depression at times but how can you not feel depressed at times? If you’re connected you’ll feel the hurt.

I find this hurt stops me from creating too. I kind of just fall in a lull and just want to be outside more loving our Mother and putting some good stuff back into Her, sitting at the beach or forest and just listen to Her..just listening because we don’t listen anymore, we haven’t been for too long a very big reason why this world is off balance, we don’t live close to Her anymore.

Permaculture principles rule my life now and I bring it into every place of my life including my art life which I have found ways to create art in a more sustainable way which I’ll share in another post. I just think we all need to learn how to live more sustainably and be that in every aspect of our lives and share. Share the knowledge because it’s such a heart centred and harmonious practice and we all should be interested in the planet that gives too much to us.

So I’ve decided this; my writing page will be changed into a permaculture page. It’s time I’ve been studying it for a while and I want to share what we can do to help ourselves and every living being on the planet. This is the link to the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/theshadowandthewild/ – right now it’s still my writing page but it will be changed this Wednesday when Mercury finally fucks off. And the name will be changed then and my writing will be shared on my art page which is connected to this blog.

I’ll share more over the next week because I’m still processing too much and still feeling pain, not going to lie. xxx

Purchase art at my new shiny website by clicking here –>  chaosmoonarts.com

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Loosening the Fuck Up – Expansion

As artists we can get caught with creating the same kind of style over and over again. I connect that with how we view life. And though many artists are open minded, I still see how we can get caught with how we think which is connected to how we feel. Art is an expression of our inner worlds after all. How can we expand the way we think if we are blocked emotionally? Because in hindsight we cannot truly expand the mind if there is no expansion of heart and any type of art whether you’re a writer, poet, photographer, musician whatever, cannot expand our comfort zone if we’re connected with only one type of style of work.

We can get comfortable with one style of work which comes naturally, and I do believe once we feel dissatisfied with this same expression over and over again that it’s time to expand. It’s scary, because we become good at something to then step out and feel vulnerable again. It’s human nature to fear the unknown but if we also explore the unknown with curiosity it lessens the fear and we then become curious explorers and even adventurers. Life has pushed me to live life on the edges, to constantly be curious, to not get too comfortable. Loss taught me that nothing is permanent, to always go with flow and don’t hang on too hard to anything or anyone, be open to change always.

I see that with art also. Expansion and growth is necessary to strengthen our practice. To revisit art appreciation every so often, it not only makes you think about your style of work but life.

To ponder these questions: are you constantly viewing life from your comfort zone? Do you push yourself to be uncomfortable for growth sake? To live life to the fullest.

Funny, you know most people will say ‘yes I do’ but on the outside looking in their life is in constant replay. Loosen the fuck up I say. Seriously, no wonder our world is fucking anal about everything and why it’s constantly wanting to destroy anything and anyone that cannot be shoved in the little shitty conformed boxes. It’s fear of expanding the heart. Don’t live a little, live a lot.

I’m leaving you this piece by Salvador Dali to ponder on. Feel beyond pain, let go. Expansion, expansion, expansion.. xxx

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The Anthropomorphic Cabinet, 1936 – Salvador Dali

Pushing Artistic Boundaries & Getting My Shit Together

First of all I need to explain that the name of this site and blog has change from Sacred Spirit of Gaia to She Moon Artistry. I just felt change and I’m sure the name will change again as I change but it is the perfect description for my artwork and for the work to come. And many thanks for all the visits while I was away. Who knew that anyone would be interested to read what I write. I started this blog to reconnect with my creativity, I use it to work out my thoughts and feelings with my relationship to art I honestly believed no one else would be interested in what I write so thanks 🙂

So finally I’m back here after being pulled away from my art from a strong feeling to write and study permaculture which I’m still doing both but the insight is clear to why this happened and very thankful for the path behind and ahead.

I think my last post here was in April and even since then so much has changed again. I now have a clearer understanding of my creative energy which desperately needed to happen. I arrived at a point where I was exhausted, overwhelmed and actually needed to step away but was too stubborn to. I love art too much and throughout the whole time of not creating art I sooked all the way through it, yep I did not ashamed to admit it. There was always a longing to create but no feeling to. That in itself was incredibly painful and somewhat traumatic! truly, I’m not trying to be dramatic because when the time came to slowly reconnect with my art world it was painful I had no idea the time away from it was going to happen the way it did.

But it needed to happen. I was overwhelmed from not having a clear understanding of what was happening inside of me.

I’m a visionary artist, I surrender to what wants to come through. I don’t plan what I create I listen to prompts from my intuition. This style of painting brings so much to the surface. Unresolved emotion, breaking open what’s ready to be seen, it creates authentic and very real and deep change. I knew this to some degree but in the depth I needed to understand for my own well being. And that’s why the strong intuitive feeling to write which I see now.

Writing has always been a big part of my spiritual practice. There are times where I would write up to 3-5 times a day but when I returned to my art I didn’t feel compelled to write as much but I should’ve, I get that now. The writing process is very similar to a painting process but the writing process gives me the clarity to understand what’s happening within, what’s actually moving. I also discovered I can write poetry, fuck who knew! I had no idea I could but it goes so nicely with my art so that was a cool little plus to find out along the way.

It has also made me think what it means to me to be an artist. Even art nowadays has lost its essence in the way of originality. I belong to a few art groups on and off line and contemporary art (nothing wrong with contemporary art I love it) but really art that pushes no boundaries seems to be the only kind of art that is ‘accepted’ these days. And I’m not the only one that sees and feels this, many other artists feel the same. It’s fucking frustrating. It also puts people off from sharing their art. I’ve seen some judgemental arseholes in groups who I have seen put artwork down that is not contemporary because that’s what they feel art is. I say get fucked. That is so far from the truth. What happened to creating art for the sake of creating art regardless of what it looks like? What happened to pushing boundaries to make people think and feel outside of their small shitty conservative box? Are we going to try and put art in a box too? Not me, fuck that I refuse to. I think it’s time to create a new group. I will share that here when that happens and it’s not too far off.

So briefly that’s me so far. There’s more changes but they’re not quite ready to share yet. This blog will be kickstarted again and so happy that it is. Oh my gosh I have missed it SO bloody much. Looking forward to sharing more and reconnecting in the very near future. For now connect with me on my Facebook page here –> Astara Lak’ech and my Instagram is @shemoonartisty 🙂 xxx

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Healing my Relationship to Self and Creative Energy

I’ve been wanting to write a post about the inner journey that has finally landed me here..finally! Fuck almighty what a ride! and so happy to finally come back to a place of creation. I have a new found respect and gratitude for my creative energy like never before and also learning to understand this energy much more than I ever have.

Being creative has always been very natural to me. It is something I have never understood up until now that I have taken advantage of this energy unintentionally and realised though I have a deep understanding of my creative force how important it is to actually understand this force like an intimate partner because it is. It’s powerful and extremely moving. It moves me to places unexplored and untouched not just creatively but also within my emotional body and when there are wounds that are needing presence and attention how much it can throw things off balance and the necessity of getting to the core and understanding of these wounds…

..which I always have done but only until recently I’ve come to understand why I spent many hours at a time on my kitchen floor as a blubbering mess wondering why I can’t sell my paintings. It sounds fucking strange I know but I know now with clarity which wound it was rubbing against. It was overwhelming to feel because it felt just so bloody big I was unable to grasp a thread of where to begin up until three weeks ago.

Shame. Toxic shame to be clear. Really old pain from my childhood which really has been my burden in this lifetime like nothing else. To be seen and vulnerable in my uniqueness has alway been a struggle for me and not to mention the small but harsh inner dialogue that is so easily triggered by what looks like nothing can open the gapping wound of my inner child.

I’m still working through it but even within the small space of time I have shifted and become aware of the subtle inner dialogue. I’ve been writing as much as I can trying to catch the negative inner voice and get to the core of what I’m actually doing and trying to say behind the pain of it all.

I’m grateful, so grateful for so much I have learnt about myself over the last three and a half months of not painting. I had a strange pull to write instead of painting which led me here. I felt there was an inner journey to be taken by learning to understand why I want to write and not paint. That may again sound strange to some but it made perfect sense to me and I was right.

It was an online writing course that supported me to explore deeper wounds from another view point which enabled this new awareness.

So not only have I arrived at a place which I will be continuing to explore but also something else that has been revealed which is also so very precious to me. My work with children.

Coming up to almost 8 years now I have known I was to work with children in a unique way which will change the lives of so many. I have looked at this energy, watered, fed it, nurtured it, thrown it to one side to pick it up again and look at it some more. I fear and respect it all at the same time I know this is definitely a calling. The energy is very high but I also knew something was missing and I had more work to do inside myself before I manifest it..

..and that something has been received. The way I am to deliver this blessing and it isn’t just about children but the inner child of everyone. I think I cried for a good solid hour after receiving this for many reasons. It wasn’t just relief but gratitude to my commitment to grow and love who I am but also I felt with my whole body I can do this. I’ve had many friends and clients compliment my work with children but when you carry toxic shame this realisation, this knowing is life changing.

I will share it once everything has settled and I feel comfortable to put it out in the world.

So 🙂 this is me up to date. What a blessing to live life to the fullest, to choose to walk a path with eyes and heart wide open. I will share more as time unfolds but right now I’m staying close to whats happening inside to give the attention, presence and love I deserve. Love each of you for sharing this journey with me you have no idea how much. Grateful.

Thank you xoxo

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Trusting the Wheel of Change 

Letting go and trusting…easy said then done some of the time well for me anyway. I was ready to go into this year with everything I have then Mercury retrograde happened and turned everything upside down in a good way. Man o man anyone else experiencing this? It’s made me question my whole direction, what needs to change and what I need to let go and am I going to continue on the same path that I planned to…nup. 

My fire has changed and grown stretching towards other amazing things, I didn’t plan for it but I’m going for it anyway. 

Each year I actively work towards decreasing stress levels and reassess everything to see if I’m feeling as passionate about what I love as I did a year or a month ago or if there is some things I need to change to really be in alignment with that fire within. 

I can’t say I’m super clear with where I’m going but I do know this; any stress has to go. I will and am living simpler than each year gone by. I don’t have a materialistic bone in my body and each year I see that I need less and want to live more sustainably. The strive for wants and material goals have fucked off completely I just want to do my thing or things and live peacefully. Peace and simplicity. 

Also minimising my time on social media I’d rather use the time to create, work or grow my own food. We have become way too addicted to the screen and not enough time connecting with one another face to face. It’s not normal the amount of time we waste staring and socialising through a screen, isn’t it just mental?? 

So I thought I’d share where I am and if anyone else is feeling similarly? Change, change and more change…but always good change… Xxx

  

Online Bullying

I’ve been bullied online from what I thought was a friend of mine. Needless to say I am shocked, hurt and angry and I woke up this morning with a feeling I’m not taking this shit anymore. Usually I just leave it and move on because I know the truth but no more. What you see below is me explaining the truth from a blog post this person has written and shared around on social media. I have cut and paste what she wrote and under each lie I have explained the truth of what actually happened.  I have nothing to hide and nor am I going to feel ashamed because this person chooses to not deal with her inner shit.

This is me defending myself and saying NO to online bullying. My responses to what she wrote is in bold ink. I’ve placed an asterisk next to what she wrote.

  • I am angry – At someone I considered a friend who treated me appallingly when: I told her I was not coping and teetering on the edge and she didn’t reply.

I have always replied to everyone including strangers that are hurting and the people that know me and work with know this. I could never ignore anyone in pain unfortunately, though a good thing, it can also be a downfall also. I’m unsure of what she is talking about here in all honesty.

  • For ordering things from me twice and never paying, despite repeated requests. If she had said she couldn’t afford it I would NOT have cared, but no reply, nothing, zip, nada, just change the subject, for making me feel ashamed for even asking.

This person constantly asked me to share her business pages, for advice and constantly asking me to boost two of businesses for her. I gave her a book in exchange for two packets of incense, yes incense sticks is what she’s referring to and yes I did answer her messages I always do. I don’t ignore my friends.

  • For abusing me when I didn’t see her messages when I did something awesome one day and she shared it and I didn’t respond as she expected me to. For abusing me for being online but not seeing her. For deleting her shares and not allowing me to see the lovely feedback. I wasn’t online.

She was online for most of the day and I messaged her after again sharing her work for her. Our friendship was on the edge because of this and I did speak to her a week before this that we need to end our friendship and here’s my actual messages explaining to her what I said and why I responded when she was online all day. I was still feeling unsure and vulnerable about our connection. I pulled down the post because I was angry and hurt.

First messages explaining that I need to walk away from the friendship.The first was her asking me if she upset me. I was moving through a lot in my life at the time and wasn’t communicating to anyone. I pull in when I’m feeling a lot. The second one explains in more depth how I was feeling. Here’s the messages and you’ll see that I wasn’t abusive. The third message is what I wrote to her when she ignored my messages. 

1/ Nah you haven’t. We’re just chaining on different wavelengths and I’m needing real and deep connections. I do a lot. I’m a sole mum homeschooling and running a business and times when Nik isn’t well I need real friends and connections as I’m needing soulful support. I don’t have family or any extra energy to burn on anything else as it starts and ends with me.’

2/ ‘Look darlin really simply, I stepped back because like I explained before we’re just in different places and I’m stepping back not because I don’t care but because I do. If I’m not true to myself and keep a connection going when we’re in different places in our life I will end up telling you to get fucked and I don’t want to do that. I can’t keep conversing with someone I don’t have a connection with.

I’m a deep person and I need the people to match me in a similar place and I know you are constantly distracting yourself from needs to be dealt with inside you so you have a 100 things going constantly, striving to do more, to make more.. I’m just not like that. I want to get to know the person be present enough to get to know me I don’t give a fuck about anything else.

When we connect money is always involved whether that’s you making money, you wearing to share your page or you striving to make more. I just don’t care about money I care about the person and what actually matters in life. I almost want to slap you back down to earth. You have nothing to apologise for at all, nothing. And you’re loved.’

3/ ‘Love if you’re not going to answer my messages I’m not going to try with this. What I was trying to get across before is friendships require presence. Shows you were active 6 minutes ago. I messaged you the other day and you didn’t answer either please be considerate.’

  • For inviting me to stay in one of the most beautiful places in the world and not showing me one inch of it, for making me feel incredibly unwelcome and uncomfortable, for not allowing me to express my humanity without feeling judged. For not allowing me to speak my truth. For using me to do something and not honouring the exchange we agreed upon.

I did invite her and drove for 8 hours all up to pick her up. I was excited to hang out with her. I was also feeling low. I lost a baby a few years back and at times this pain is triggered. I explained to her how I was feeling and it was clear how I was feeling.

What I was upset about between was discussed no abuse, I was feeling a lot and I cooked her a meal that evening and she knew what I was cooking when I served it to her she told me she can’t eat it, she didn’t like it.

I was hurt and a little shocked from her rudeness. What seemed like something small is a lot when you’re feeling too much pain.

She was heard and she binned the meal when I was outside in tears. This small act pushed up more feelings of pain. I felt uncomfortable having her in my home there after it was clear she had an expectation of how she should be treated but the visit continued and I thought we enjoyed each other’s company.

The exchange we spoke of. We had only two days together and it was meant to be three as she found out she needed to see her son on the third day and we discussed that she will come back in March/April and I will teach her to paint. She also broke contract with a business she was intimately working for and shared intimate details about her closest friends which made me question the friendship altogether again. When I dropped her off I made the decision within myself I’ll keep her as an online friend and that’s it as I felt I couldn’t trust her.

Needless to say I didn’t expect this kind of behaviour after I opened my home to her.

  • When I reflect back I wonder why the hell I put up with all of this over the past year, I have no idea, but I did. The last time I saw her I knew I never would again as I realised that it just wasn’t meant to be. I quietly unfriended, unfollowed and let it go.

Actually when I reflect back I should have walked but thats ok shit happens. She did quietly unfriend me and I was totally ok with that but she didn’t let anything go but took a bullying stance instead of a mature one and actually dealing with her feelings.

I needed to do this for me and my daughter. My daughter read what she wrote and was really hurt and so angry not understanding where she’s coming from.

Please people it is essential to deal with your inner shit. This kind of dumping and running is not fucking ok.

Good people get hurt and more than one and it turns out to be really messy.

This stuff is not ok.

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Live, Be and Create the Truth

There are people who choose to actively work and heal their inner shit and then there are those who choose to manipulate, hide and lie to gain the attention they are seeking for the lack of validation they give to themselves and not wanting to take responsibility for their actions. They stay in their unhealthy patterns sabotaging and manipulating their way through life never taking responsibility for what they feel. Yeah onya 😄 its a road to declining health. 

These people actively seek different channels to dump, manipulate, lie and gain attention when they are really crying out for their pain to be acknowledged. Not from the people they are manipulating and deceiving but what they’re really needing is to drop into and feel their pain, take responsibility and take positive active steps to start healing. 

Ok so we’ve all been on the receiving end of this bullshit so how do we handle it? Like an adult, a healthy functional adult in a quiet space with good friends, a pen, a canvas and lots of nature. 

And with the truth. The truth destroys lies and let’s just say the truth is out there 😉😄

No but seriously taking that raw emotion to the canvas for me is one of the best healing ways to deal with anything painful, creating something beautiful from something that may feel dark and it’s these feelings we need to keep moving and not use people as dumping grounds for stuff that we really need to own ourselves, we’re adults not five year olds.

The best artists (and people 😊) don’t chuck tantrums they get real, tell the truth the real truth, own their shit and create something beautiful and keep life moving in a healthy way. 

Xxxx