My focus and direction at present with my art alone is chaos. Sharing through my art how to find stillness within chaos, to trust your knowing; your real self, because everything else can be taken away at any time. That’s a truth. Re-learning how to surrender to move with the Mystery, with change.. because have you not noticed, shit is getting intense. We are living in a powerful time so we choose to surrender and move with the almighty flow or self destruct. Truth again, but most can’t swallow the truth so they will be swallowed.
Intense yes, but truth, so go with it. Be part of the change. So briefly here’s what I want to share…
Get empowered. Stop fucking around and be the reason why you’re here. Stop self oppressing (yes there is such a fucking thing)
Without me saying anymore, just click on this link below and come run with me in 2017, (shit not long now to go now :))
2016, what a fucking year to say the least! As much as it was unexpected in pretty much every single way, I see now with so much clarity why it was. If you’re still complaining about how shit this year was, then prepare yourself for more work next year because clearly you haven’t received the best parts of why it was so damn chaotic.
And you know, realistically, each year will become more chaotic until humanity wakes the fuck up. That’s what we’re here for so I say to you now, embrace for a massive ride next year too. Yes, embrace it because fuck, we have no other choice.
This year has been huge for clearing out inner crap, pulling apart old belief systems that were based on painful hurts. It was also a year of learning to let go again in every way and trust that wherever it was taking me it was for a bigger reason and of course I did. It was painful, I’m not going to lie, but now as I sit here preparing and creating work for next year, wow, am I so grateful.
What I’m focusing on now as an artist, is rebuilding my confidence. I lost much of my confidence as I was thrown around internally this year and had to let go of my art practice in order for me to continue on with it next year. That was hard. Really hard. It touched on an old trauma from long ago that I’m still managing while I rebuild again.
So to rebuild, I have to sit with a bit of emotional pain to be my confidence again. Challenging to say the least, but that’s the beauty of doing something that is soulful that you can’t live without, you’ll go through the shittiest terrain to be in that joy again. Grateful for such deep work.
I also found that part of my lost confidence is the purpose with my art has changed. I did notice it but at the same time I didn’t give it the attention it needed. That focus is necessary to connect with my work and with my audience, without it for me, I find I’m just displaying my art and feel overly exposed. Like standing there naked for people to judge and there’s no purpose to why I’m standing there naked 😀
It also gives me a focus and a direction, without it, too much energy not channelled is chaos.
And speaking of chaos, this is the direction my art is taking me, right in the middle of the Mystery.
My message is one of letting go and moving with something much bigger than our tiny selves. Allowing yourself to be swept up in change and trusting your knowing that it’s for a deeper reason, a greater purpose even when you cannot see. This trust in your knowing, is the what we all need to practice because as we can see, chaos is growing in our world and we have to trust and believe in our real selves, our intuition to get us through. That’s all we have because everything else can be taken away at anytime.
So my plans for 2017 is some of what you’ve read, but I’m also open to that changing at anytime because that just seems the way these days. Make loose plans and trust whatever comes.
To all my Facebook. Blog and IG supporters, I can’t thank you enough for walking with me through the many changes I’ve experienced this year. Without you I wouldn’t be able to do what the fire inside me thinks of every day even when I’m not creating, so thank you xxx
I’ve been wanting to write a post about the inner journey that has finally landed me here..finally! Fuck almighty what a ride! and so happy to finally come back to a place of creation. I have a new found respect and gratitude for my creative energy like never before and also learning to understand this energy much more than I ever have.
Being creative has always been very natural to me. It is something I have never understood up until now that I have taken advantage of this energy unintentionally and realised though I have a deep understanding of my creative force how important it is to actually understand this force like an intimate partner because it is. It’s powerful and extremely moving. It moves me to places unexplored and untouched not just creatively but also within my emotional body and when there are wounds that are needing presence and attention how much it can throw things off balance and the necessity of getting to the core and understanding of these wounds…
..which I always have done but only until recently I’ve come to understand why I spent many hours at a time on my kitchen floor as a blubbering mess wondering why I can’t sell my paintings. It sounds fucking strange I know but I know now with clarity which wound it was rubbing against. It was overwhelming to feel because it felt just so bloody big I was unable to grasp a thread of where to begin up until three weeks ago.
Shame. Toxic shame to be clear. Really old pain from my childhood which really has been my burden in this lifetime like nothing else. To be seen and vulnerable in my uniqueness has alway been a struggle for me and not to mention the small but harsh inner dialogue that is so easily triggered by what looks like nothing can open the gapping wound of my inner child.
I’m still working through it but even within the small space of time I have shifted and become aware of the subtle inner dialogue. I’ve been writing as much as I can trying to catch the negative inner voice and get to the core of what I’m actually doing and trying to say behind the pain of it all.
I’m grateful, so grateful for so much I have learnt about myself over the last three and a half months of not painting. I had a strange pull to write instead of painting which led me here. I felt there was an inner journey to be taken by learning to understand why I want to write and not paint. That may again sound strange to some but it made perfect sense to me and I was right.
It was an online writing course that supported me to explore deeper wounds from another view point which enabled this new awareness.
So not only have I arrived at a place which I will be continuing to explore but also something else that has been revealed which is also so very precious to me. My work with children.
Coming up to almost 8 years now I have known I was to work with children in a unique way which will change the lives of so many. I have looked at this energy, watered, fed it, nurtured it, thrown it to one side to pick it up again and look at it some more. I fear and respect it all at the same time I know this is definitely a calling. The energy is very high but I also knew something was missing and I had more work to do inside myself before I manifest it..
..and that something has been received. The way I am to deliver this blessing and it isn’t just about children but the inner child of everyone. I think I cried for a good solid hour after receiving this for many reasons. It wasn’t just relief but gratitude to my commitment to grow and love who I am but also I felt with my whole body I can do this. I’ve had many friends and clients compliment my work with children but when you carry toxic shame this realisation, this knowing is life changing.
I will share it once everything has settled and I feel comfortable to put it out in the world.
So 🙂 this is me up to date. What a blessing to live life to the fullest, to choose to walk a path with eyes and heart wide open. I will share more as time unfolds but right now I’m staying close to whats happening inside to give the attention, presence and love I deserve. Love each of you for sharing this journey with me you have no idea how much. Grateful.
Yes spiritual fluff or to be blunt spiritual crap. No I’m not knocking spirituality at all but the so called ones who believe they are aware and do nothing but create more illusion and more uncertainty. I’m over it.
Pissed off doesn’t even cut it. Even being in art groups that promote the Sacred Feminine expression is all fake. The language they use drives me insane it comes across fake and the focus is not on the planet which is the ultimate Sacred Feminine force we learn from in the physical realm its purely centred around self and that again is promoting more selfishness because man we need to expand beyond ourselves and see we are sharing this planet with not just people.
I would think if you are truly connected to the Sacred Feminine wouldnt you have a relationship with the planet? Where you ground everything you do to the planet you’re living on considering all living beings finding your place in the web of life.
If you truly are connected to the Sacred Feminine wouldn’t you rethink wearing animal skins and fur, rethink the food you eat, what products you use, put more awareness and love towards the planet? The ultimate Sacred Feminine force that you say you believe in?
Nup. Havent seen any of the above…yet.
Ungrounded spirituality is destructive end of story.
We are living in a time where listening and being our authenticity is no longer a choice. My angst comes from people feeding the fear, promoting what isn’t true grounded spirituality. Embracing our humanity means considering ALL living beings its not just about ourselves thats selfishness and insecurity right there and we have enough of it thanks.
Ok thats my expression for today. Sorry its not all sparkly and happy because it needs to be said. I’m just so over the lack of humanity nowadays.
It’s time to get real peeps its not all about us.
😳 I am. Purposely stagnating. I keep telling myself ‘you need to paint today’ and I make the time to paint and do you think I do? No of course not!
It’s almost like at times there’s a fear to step in front of the canvas, a fear that I might be taken over by some painting demon and not stop 😄 which is what I want! Bloody hell why do us artists do this? You see I always create through my stagnation I just focus on my block and paint it through with no judgement and with no probs at all it shifts but this time I feel like I’m purposely avoiding it for no reason at all 😳
But! 😄 I also believe in building the energy too. Allowing the creative energy to build really makes a difference also so when the creating does actually begin you’re just in the zone nothing at all can take you away from from THAT zone.
I’m also feeling a lot of change stirring. Anyone else feeling it? I can just feel change is in the air and I can feel the energy building and I do tend to stagnate when I feel it.
Why? I reflect more, I’m tuning into what I’m feeling and the restlessness of change always brings my focus within. I like to feel what’s stirring not work it out it’s like tuning into the frequency and feel where it’s taking you..
Ok so I think I just worked out why I’m purposely stagnating 😄 God bless writing! You know I also can paint right now and do you think I will?
My relationship with myself is deepening and as this is deepening so is my connection to the Sacred Feminine the honouring of my feelings, creativity, healing my wounds around change (which I believe we all carry) so I can ease and flow more with the Sacred Feminine because thats what the Divine Feminine is all about constant change and flow She is never certain, always changing always growing and evolving.
Since I was a child at a very young age I had a very strong and deep connection with spirit and seeing and feeling the truth of what is in any situation and growing up in a dysfunctional home pushes you inward to hear and listen more to your own intuitive feelings in my case my natural psychic and clairvoyant abilities to keep myself safe, you learn to feel when to speak and when not to, when to leave your room and when not to, so much so I began warning my older brother about being ‘good’ so we don’t get beaten. I know its pretty sad but thats the truth of what it was for us and I’m thankful for the fire in my gut which gave me the strength and determination to not allow anything negative get in my way of experiencing true happiness. It sounds like it was easy to get to that frame of mind but it wasn’t and at times it still isn’t but it gets easier and easier the stronger the relationship with yourself you experience the true connection of what happiness is and not fall for the illusion that things, stuff or people will make you happy the true happiness connection really does come from within.
This post was going to be about sharing my deep connection and path as a Pagan and witch but as I write I can’t help to have my thoughts being pulled to a beautiful boy who took his life at the age of 17 just recently about 6 weeks ago now, a young man my daughter had a strong connection with. He was an incredibly sensitive, creative and intuitive young man so beautifully gentle and clearly was an old soul who felt misunderstood, not heard and not seen by the world we live in today. Which I completely understand.
For us highly sensitive intuitive souls we feel every feeling and pain is felt like a stab with a knife, we soak every feeling of others around us as our empathy and compassion seems to be unusually high if we were to compare ourselves to others. We are misunderstood, our emotional reactions can seem over the top, our care is looked at as weakness, the time we spend on our own is taken as antisocial.
And its not like that at all.
Our emotional reactions is because we feel so much, our care is genuine and we spend time on our own to recharge to hear our own internal voice and to be away from people because sitting in their presence or walking into a crowd we feel so much and that is how you honour your own Sacred Feminine within, your uniqueness, your trust in yourself and see with clear eyes that yes I’m different.
Thank Goddess for art is all I say.
Art is my sacred space to completely be with every feeling, a space where I can hear myself and plug into the web of life and just listen..be and feel no matter how powerful the feelings, it is a safe place to be and grow and do something that I can’t get enough of. Being highly sensitive is NOT a weakness but a huge strength to be in such a chaotic and disconnected world.
Love my tribe where would this world be without those whose empathy changes the world?
I’ve had a blog post in the back of my mind since the last one and its been a few weeks.
For me it feels like months. Feels like time has sped up again and everything is moving so fast just feels like there isn’t enough time in one day to get everything done.
I’m happy to say everything I wanted to achieve this year I have successfully and between spaces I’m trying to soak up moments where I can appreciate what I’ve created so far.
I read this beautiful comment this morning and it went like this, ‘ The meaning of success changes when love enters the room.’
Beautiful. I automatically connected it to me. Loving yourself more means your priorities change and the achievements I placed in front of myself this year isn’t what I think most people would think. Most people connect achievements with financial goals as I watch endless amount of people constantly striving for materialistic or social status.
Thats never been me anyway but I flipped everything around two years ago and made everything about loving me and deepening my relationship with myself, I made a commitment to me.
Thats the first time I’ve ever placed myself first..EVER and wow how everything has changed for the better so much abundance in every aspect of my life but again everything is still in the flow of change nothing ever will be permanent again.
I say that because we hold onto ideas for insecurities sake that things will last forever. Whether we are open to movement of the Sacred Feminine in our lives or not She is rising and destroying everything in Her way that isn’t real, the illusion is falling it’s time for sacredness.
I’ve heard myself say many times ‘this constant change is relentless’ and I’m sure so many of you would agree but its not the change thats relentless I realised but my fear of flowing with Her, flowing and being open to impermanence. Scary thought isn’t? but yes its just a thought, an idea, an illusion.
Stability is going with the flow, ALLOWING yourself to go with the flow.
So I’m leaving you with these words and promise I’ll write more, I’ll make space to write more.
I also just want to thank everyone who has visited my site. When I logged on to write today the stats of my site has gone through the roof..so thank you ❤ xxx